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Even though I enjoy my alone time, I discovered the hardest part of this whole process is at times, being alone. Even though the last years of my marriage, I was alone, at the time I didn’t realize I was. It stinks spending a Saturday night all alone, taking a walk along the beach or boardwalk and seeing all the couples. You see them walking hand-in-hand, sitting snuggled on a bench or sneaking a kiss. It makes you realize how much you really want what they have, with someone. You begin to look at the women and wonder what do they have that I don’t. You look at the couples and wonder what attracts them to each other. You ask yourself, what do I have that would attract a guy to me. You begin to wonder why you haven’t met that someone special yet. I was lucky to have experienced that for 14 short months with Frank. Now that I have, I so want it again and fear I may never find that again. After going on date after date and either you don’t or he doesn’t feel that connection, it gets depressing. You want to give up, but know you can’t, because you and everyone else searching, deserves happiness and love. I don’t just want to find a lover, but also my best friend. I want someone that will treat me like a princess and in turn I will treat him like a prince. I want someone that does the little things that shows me how much he cares. I want to be the first person he thinks of when he wakes each day and the last person, as he goes to sleep each night. I don’t need someone to be with me 24/7, as I feel spending time apart is just as important, as spending time together. I want someone that not only shows me how much he cares, but tells me. I want someone who shares his hopes and dreams, along with his biggest fears. I want someone when I am down, I want him to pick me up and when he’s down, he will want me to pick him up. I want someone I don’t have to tell him how I am feeling or when I need a hug, because he will know. I don’t know if this exists out there, but I will keep trying. I settled in my marriage, but I will not settle this time. I find the dating sites so mentally draining and that people aren’t honest and say exactly what they do and don’t want. I am not everyone’s cup of tea just as not everyone is my cup of tea. It seems so simple yet so hard to find. PLEASE FOLLOW ME IF YOU LIKE MY BLOG AND YOU WILL GET NOTIFIED WHEN THERE IS A NEW POST. THANKS!