You can’t fix unhappy….

In my marriage, I would constantly be wondering is it me, something I was or wasn’t doing, that was making him so unhappy. I had let myself and my appearance go, so I decided to change. I went back to the gym, got in better shape, ate better, wore sexy lingerie, planned date nights, etc. I tried anything and everything to try to improve myself and my appearance. We continued to be unhappy. I finally realized I couldn’t fix unhappy in him, but could in myself. I was trying to fix something that only he could fix. I started to seek approval from anyone and everyone. I had a very low opinion of myself. I realized, I didn’t think much of myself. I left three times with the children, each time he begged me to come back, would promise we would work on things and it would get better. I worried if we couldn’t fix this, if we were to divorce, how would this affect our children and how they would handle it. I didn’t want our children to be split between two parents for birthdays, holidays, etc. Also, I was afraid of being on my own and what people would think, if I left him. Another fear was, another man would never want me again. Finally, I had enough, as I could see our unhappiness could not be fixed. I told him I could not live the way we were living anymore. As I told him, I was crying so hard, I could hardly breathe and he stood there stone faced, with nothing to say, showing no emotion. I knew at that moment our marriage was over. My first thought was my poor children. We agreed to try to make this as painless a process for them, as we could. I was eager, maybe too eager to jump ahead, from unhappy to happy. I wanted to prove to everyone I could do this all by myself and I could be happy again. This was an unreal expectation. As I needed the support of my family and friends, at times, to get through this. Also, I needed to fix me, figure out what would make me happy, before I could be happy with someone else. Quickly I realized, I needed to take baby steps, dig deep down inside myself, find out what would and wouldn’t make me happy. Me and me alone was the only person that could figure this out and change the things that I did and didn’t like about myself, not anyone else. I lost myself in my marriage, trying over and over again to make an unhappy situation, a happy one. In that process, I ended up a very unhappy person with low self-esteem. Slowly I fixed me, one step at a time. I made mistakes along the way, did things wrong, on the journey to making myself happy. With each step I learned something new. I continue to learn and grow each day. A couple of lessons I have learned along the way; You can’t make someone love or even like you. You should never be with someone just to have someone in your life, it’s better to be alone and unhappy then with someone and be miserable. You should never change for someone else or you will end up unhappy yourself. Most of all no one else can fix your unhappy, as only you can fix that. You can only fix unhappy, if/and when you want to, or are ready too. When you are truly happy with yourself, you will find true happiness. PLEASE FOLLOW ME IF YOU LIKE MY BLOG AND YOU WILL GET NOTIFIED WHEN THERE IS A NEW POST. THANKS!

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