Love your children no matter what their life choice…

When my son told me that him and his girlfriend were expecting a child, he thought I would yell, scream and lecture him. I didn’t and would never do any of those things, as it wouldn’t change a thing and be pointless. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but something like ok I’m here for you guys and we will figure it all out and then hug my son and told him I loved him. He was blown away, he said it wasn’t the reaction he was expecting and that I’m the best mom in the world. I said no I’m just being your mom.

I lost my first child, my son was premature and we were told he probably wouldn’t live 24 hours. My daughter was born three years later, without any birth control and then I was told I couldn’t have any more children. When my daughter was almost three I needed a hysterectomy. I am thankful and blessed, I was able to have the two children I have, as many can’t have any children.

We raise our children to be good kids, we try and prepare them for the big scary world we live in today. All we can do is teach them right from wrong and our best to instill our values in them. There are times we need to let them make their own choices and even mistakes. As parents, I feel we have to let go here and there, yet guide them. We also need to be supportive, loving and encouraging parents. We may not like the choices our children make at times in their lives, but as long as they are happy, aren’t doing something illegal and/or harmful to themselves or others, we have to let them be their own person and find their way in this world. We may not understand it, we may not like it, we may disapprove, it may not be the choice(s) we would have made, but as their parents even though we may not like it, we have to except it. Some parents have told me no I don’t, well to them I say, are you willing to lose your child because you don’t like or approve of their life choices?

I may not have liked the timing of my son and his girlfriend having a child, but every child is a gift and blessing from God. How could I not be happy about a new life coming into this world and my first grandchild! My sons girlfriend is an amazing young woman! Shortly after he met her he told me she was the one for him. She had to earn my trust, acceptance and love, as any parent can tell you, no one is good enough for their child. She has shown me what a wonderful, sweet and amazing person she is and I know her and my son will make amazing parents. As a parent I will do whatever I can to help them and my granddaughter. I will continue to be a loving, supportive and encouraging parent and also grandparent.

We made the choice to bring our children into this world, they didn’t asked to be born and each and every one of them is a gift from God. So no matter if you approve or not, or what choices or path they take in life, remember support, encourage and love your children no matter what!

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Kids come first!

Kids come first no matter what…I am in a situation where my x put his gf’s, now new wife and her son before his own children. If I was ever with someone who put me or my children before their own children or even family, I would walk away from them. Anyone that would ask you to put them before your kids and/or family, is someone who is selfish and me personally, I would never be with.

Some people will use their kids as a pawn or excuse. They claim they deserve to have a life, WRONG answer! Your children did not ask to be born, you choose to have children. I know some who believe once they turn 18, well they no longer need their parents around, as they feel they are adults, WRONG answer again! I have seen children whose parents, walked away, put others first, etc and some of those children have acted out, get into trouble, as they have to much freedom and time without a parent or parents around. Yes our children need freedom, but they also need guidance, a parent that not only tells them they love them, but shows them they do. When a daughter is no longer daddy’s little girl, a son dad’s pal and dad puts a woman first, the child no matter the age, will feel hurt and rejected. It’s the same when a son is no longer mommy’s boy, a daughter her best gal, because mom puts a man first, again the child, no matter the age, will feel hurt and rejected.

Do we deserve to be happy, yes, but not at the expense of our children. We need to schedule our lives around our children and not schedule our children around our lives.

I have been had men tell me I use my kids as an excuse not to see them, not true! Yes my daughter is away at college and my son lives with his girlfriend, so I don’t sit home waiting for them to make plans with me, but if they need me, I will be there for them. My children and I text each other good morning every day, call or text good night every night and talk at least once a day on the phone, even if it’s a quick minute conversation. No I’m not a helicopter mom! I treat my kids like the adults they are, but also let them know I love them and I’m here for them. People are shocked that my children actually want to hang out with me and spend time with me. Not only do my children, but also their friends do too. I don’t talk at my kids, I talk to them, I don’t tell them what to do, I tell them what I would do. If they ask me I give my opinion and sometimes when they don’t ask lol. Am I perfect? Not even close! But when you show your kids love, you get love! Never use them as a weapon or a excuse!

Out of something bad, always comes something good….

My aunt has always told me out of something bad comes something good. This has been proven to me to be true many times.

My ex husband walked away from his children little by little and now doesn’t exist in their lives. This helped me to be stronger, become even closer to my children and to help me grow, as a person. It helped me, after some time, to realize sometimes, as much as we want to, some things are out of our control and we just have to accept them and move on. Also, some people will walk away from you, when things get tough, when you lose control, lose your way, instead of being there for you. The people that truly love you, will tell you not what you want to hear, but what you need to hear. They will stand by you, help you find your way, be the shoulder to cry on, ear to listen and just be there for you. Some people step up in a way that amazes you, they step in and not to replace the absent father in my children’s lives, but to be a supportive and encouraging for person to them.

When things get tough you can either give up or stand up and fight. I have been knocked down, pushed around, bullied, made to believe I can’t do this and I’m not worthy of certain things and people. I let these negative people get me down at times, believed their hurtful words, even broke down and cried many times. The main thing is that I didn’t stay down, I got back up, fought back or walked away. I learned some people aren’t worth my breathe, time or energy. This took me time to learn, as it bothered me when someone would say these things or think badly of me. They can say or believe what they want, as I have learned their opinions do not matter, as I only have to answer to myself and my children. I have learned some may think something I am doing is wrong, but as long as I don’t feel it is, it makes me happy and I am not hurting anyone, then let them talk, it’s just words and their problem not mine. I have and will continue to prove the negative people wrong!

So out of all the bad, negative and disappointments I have faced, I have and continue to become a stronger better me, so that’s a good thing. Remember people will knock you down, as long as you keep getting up, they don’t win, you do!

A happy, healthy and balanced life….

I have heard, read and even said it myself many times “failure to plan is planning to fail”. I have started eating healthy, planning out my meals and cooking my meals ahead of time, so I stay on track. After a trip to ShopRite, I come home, turn the music up, crack open a beer or have a glass of wine, cook and dance around the kitchen. I love to cook it relaxes me. I cook a big pot of sauce, meatballs, little egg omelette cups, vegetables, chicken, pork chops and many other things. I cut up my fruit, put it in containers for the week and put them in the refrigerator, so I am prepared for my meals and snacks for the week. I love the smell of my house when I’m cooking and even after, as it lingers. It can be exhausting preparing and cooking for the week, but the more exhausting part is cleaning the dishes, after you are done cooking. It does take a bit of your time to prepare and plan your meals. If you’re not someone who likes to cook, or don’t have the time, there are many companies now that prepare fresh meals and deliver them to your home.

I have been getting up and going to the gym before work in the morning. I am not looking to slim down and have a Barbie figure, as that dream faded along time ago. I am looking to be healthier and in better shape. I discovered going to the gym in the morning, I have more energy throughout my day, I don’t get that tired sluggish feeling mid day either. I also have been sleeping better at night and find I am not as hungry throughout the day. Going to the gym isn’t for everyone. I joined Planet Fitness, as it is within my budget and close to my home.

We all indulge every now and then, but if overall we are eating healthy and in good shape, I feel it cancels out those times we indulge. I will admit, it is so much easier to do nothing, then to do something. Also, in our busy lives between work, kids, animals, commitments etc. we are tired, so quick and fast are easier. Eating healthy can be more expensive, not as quick or easy, but I found eating out becomes more expensive in the long run. Unhealthy eating, can also effect your health, in the long run.

I am expecting my first grandchild in May of this year and I want to be around for a really long time to enjoy her and hopefully many more grandchildren to come in the future. So I will try my best to eat healthy, exercise and live a happy and hopefully long life.

We all need to enjoy life and sometimes we just have to turn up the music and dance. I feel we should all enjoy life do it makes us happy, be healthy and the best we can be each day. My thinking is, if you are healthy 80% of the time, it makes up for the unhealthy things you do the other 20% of the time. I also feel we do need to indulge every now and then. If we don’t treat ourselves, then we feel we’re being deprived and that’s when we tend to over indulge more than we should. Life is all about balance. We need to balance everything in our lives, our work, our family, our friends, our relationship, our health, etc. We can’t always find the right balance, but as long as we keep trying and adjusting as life is always changing, we go with what works during that time. Life can get overwhelming at times, it’s at those times we need to shift the balance to ourselves. As if we aren’t healthy, we are no good to the people depending on us.

Valentines Day….

Most of this is from last year with some changes, as I liked it. As this year I have a Valentine I guess you would say…I could careless if I went out tonight, as I feel things are over priced and not as good, as they try for volume. I will go enjoy and treat it like any other date. Hope everyone enjoys their day…

I have to say I was never a real big fan of Valentine’s Day. I have always felt it seemed silly that people needed a holiday, to make them tell and show people they love and care about, how they felt. The people in my life, shouldn’t need a holiday to tell and show me how they feel. I feel every day we should show and tell the people in our lives, how special they are. I’m not saying I want gifts and flowers every day. I feel there are many ways in which we can show and tell people just how special they are to us, without flowers and gifts. My kids one year ask me what I wanted and I told them, I would love it if you would clean my car. They thought I was kidding, but I wasn’t. I feel doing something for someone, making something, giving them a hug, taking a walk with them or sending them a simple text to tell them how special they are, is the most priceless gift you can give someone. I want to be surprised with flowers for no reason. A romantic dinner for no reason. A weekend away just the two of us. A night in, cuddled on the couch, watching a movie. I am a person that enjoys and appreciates the simple things in life. I feel the most precious and priceless things, aren’t things and cost little or no money. The most precious of all things someone can give, is their time. I feel anyone can spend a lot of money and put no effort or thought into a gift. The most precious gifts I have received were homemade and/or with a lot of work and thought put into them. One of the best gifts I received from my children, was a basket full of me things. It was all my favorite things I liked to do, gift cards for a manicure/pedicure, a massage, Starbucks and my favorite shower gel and lotion from Bath and Body Works. This year for Christmas my favorite gift was a mug the says “I Love You To The Moon And Back” from my kids, as I say that to them all the time. Another was a friend took me to dinner and dancing to celebrate my 50th birthday. It was a night of great conversation, company and laughs. I ate more than I should, danced more than I should and stayed out later than I should, but enjoyed myself and had fun. All of these were such sweet and thoughtful gifts. So everyone needs to show the special people in their lives, how special they are, not just because a holiday tells us to, but because we want too!

I have lost too many people in my life, way too soon and unexpectedly. Sometimes we don’t have as much time with the people closest to us, as we thought or would have wanted. Remember no tomorrow is guaranteed!  

Living alone….

For the first time in my life I’m living alone. My son has moved to his girlfriends, as they are having a baby in May. My daughter is away at College. I’m not totally alone, I have my two dogs, so I’m not totally alone. It has been an adjustment for me and the dogs. I have to allow extra time in the morning to feed the dogs and let them out, before work. The dogs are use to my son coming home very late or being up late hours, so they have been waking me at all different hours. I will admit I feel exhausted, like when my kids were little. I’m sure they will get use to the new schedule in time, but as soon as they do, my daughter will be home in May from school lol. I was ordering my meals from a place that makes healthy, fresh meals, but they went out of business this week 😦 My son comes by during the day if he has time and lets the dogs out and sometimes takes a nap. I’m sure once my granddaughter arrives those naps will be more often lol. I sometimes forget that although I live alone, I do have windows and neighbors that can see in lol. I am enjoying the peace and quiet, but do miss my kids, sometimes. I will admit it is lonely at times, but for now I am enjoying it. I fill my time, keep busy, but my kids have always and will always come first!

Proud!!!

It isn’t easy raising teenagers alone, I was so stressed, wondered if I was doing it right, especially since I was constantly being told by some people I was wrong how I was doing things, after the divorce. Well my daughter has been facing her social anxiety fears at College, volunteering, working, going outside her comfort zone and really doing amazing. I found out yesterday that my daughter, who I was already so proud of, made the Deans Honor list. I am beyond proud of her! This for me tells me I did one great job with my children and I am truly blessed to have two amazing children! I am living all alone these days while she is at school. Well not all alone, I have my two dogs lol My son comes by and he also is so amazing! He does so much for me and I know when he becomes a dad in May he will be one amazing dad, as I raised him to be!