Yes it’s a scary world out there dating and trying to find that special someone isn’t easy….

I have been asked many times, if I reveal to someone that is interested in dating me, that I have a blog. I don’t reveal that right away, as it does contain some very personal information, but in time I would. I will say this, if I was to get involved and become committed to someone, if they asked me to no longer post, then I would stop posting. I have been asked, if I would date someone that had a blog, as I could potentially become a blog post and be trashed, if it didn’t work out. My answer will always be yes, I would. I have also been asked, if I thought potential mates, would see it as man trashing and view me as a man hater. I started this blog, as a form of therapy for myself, to express what I have gone and I am going through. Some like it, some hate it, some can relate and some think it shows how I have grown as a person, in my journey. I feel I have grown a lot, since I have started this journey, spiritually, emotionally, physically and sexually. I have made mistakes along the way and haven’t always made the best choices, but no one is perfect!

Sadly today’s reality is, it takes five minutes to create a blog, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any kind of social media, so even if someone didn’t have any and all these, it would only take them minutes to create. In today’s world of social media, anyone can write anything, about anyone and trash them, a business, etc., in minutes. Also, there is the good old fashion trash talking. So I can’t worry about what someone will or will not do, if things don’t work out. If you think to much of all the things someone could or would do, you will drive yourself crazy. Plus you are entering into something, expecting it to fail, so most likely it will, with that way of thinking. Yes, I have talked about men I have met, on this blog, but I do not give their names, where they lived or any other information, that would give away their identity. I don’t write it to trash them, I write it to share an experience and what I have learned from it. I have been approached, emailed and text about the identity of who one or more of these men are. I did not, would not and will never, answer them or reveal who they are. It is not about them, it’s about me and what I have learned or taken away from the experience.

I, myself, have been the victim of trash talking, by my ex, to the women he has dated, his family and current wife. I have had co-workers, who I didn’t care to share my private life with, so they made their own assumptions, about me and my private life. I have had family, because I no longer care to share, as I was judged when I did. Sadly, also by people I thought were my friends. I use to worry about what people thought about me, but have discovered, in this journey, people will talk about you, no matter what you do or say. Some, feel I am private, because I have something to hide. I have learned, life is to short to have what if’s, people will talk about you, make assumptions about you and judge you, no matter what you do. So my answer will always be ABSOLUTELY, I would date someone that had a blog, if that person made me happy. I would, however, tell them, the minute my children’s or my identity was hinted to, revealed or either my children, family, friends or myself were trashed, we would be done, of course! Also, if we were to break up, they wanted to trash me, as I said, they could trash me through any form of social media or by good old fashion trash talk. So, if they were to trash me, if things went bad, well let them, as I would know the truth and could careless, what they had to say. Have I told stories, about guys that it didn’t work out, absolutely. I give them nicknames, again, nothing that would even come close to hinting their name, who they are or where they are from.

In today’s world of internet, people snapping pictures and posting from their phone, etc., unfortunately, privacy almost doesn’t exist! So you could be anywhere in public or a private event and someone finds something funny about you and/or the person you are with, they snap a picture, without you even knowing, post it on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, any and all social media they have. You have not a clue, yet you are out there floating around on the World Wide Web. Someone, maybe even the person(s), you are in the picture with, can take a picture of you, that was taken, with your permission and photo shop it, make it look different. They could add things, take away things, give that photo a whole different story.

When something ends, I look back at the happy times and I am thankful for them. I take the bad times and learn from them. I feel you can’t fix unhappy, so if someone doesn’t want to be with you, move on and find someone that you make happy and they make you happy. We all deserve happiness!

Yes it’s a scary world out there dating and trying to find that special someone isn’t easy. I feel when the right person comes along, it feels right, you believe and trust them, until they give you a reason not too. So take that chance on happiness, even if it’s scary, enjoy every day and if it doesn’t last forever, walk away, have no regrets and try again with someone else. You never know when your next first date, kiss, maybe your last first date and kiss.

NO TOMORROW IS GUARANTEED!!

“Change is never welcome…Often necessary…and Always inevitable” unknown

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We all deserve someone….

We all deserve someone that tells us we are beautiful not hot. We all deserve someone that wants to lay on the beach, under the stars, listening to the waves and the beat of each other’s hearts. We all deserve someone that doesn’t care what we do, as long, as we are doing it together. We all deserve someone that appreciates the time we are together, as it’s the quality, not the quantity, of time we are together. We all deserve someone that when we wake, in the middle of the night, we discover they were watching us sleep. We all deserve someone that we can fall asleep with our head on their chest, listening to their heartbeat, as we stroke their chest. We all deserve someone who checks on us , with a sweet text, a cute message or just to tell us, we make them smile, when they think of us. We all deserve someone who is proud to tell their friends and family, that you are their someone special. We all deserve someone who thinks we are just as beautiful in sweats without make up, as we are in a dress and heels. We all deserve someone, that wants to stay in and cuddle on the couch, but also wants to take us out, for a night on the town. We all deserve someone, who turns us on, just from the thought of them. We all deserve someone we can tell everything and anything. We all deserve someone who will always be there for us, even when we agree to disagree. We all deserve someone who seems to know us better than we know ourselves, at times. We all deserve someone that makes us laugh, when we feel like crying. We all deserve someone, when we don’t need any words spoken, but just to hold us, until we fall asleep. We all deserve someone that truly makes us happy.

Friends or more, I say explore…

You always hear people say I married my best friend. They don’t usually mean that they were friends and then started dating, they mean in the dating process they became best friends. Some do mean they married their best friend, as they were friends, became good friends or lost touch reconnected and in the friendship process, somewhere along the way, their friendship developed into more than a friendship but a romantic relationship. What if that romantic relationship doesn’t work, will you lose your best friend, you may wonder. Some feel it’s worth finding out and some feel why chance destroying a great friendship. I feel if it’s meant to be it will be. I had a childhood friend, we told each other every thing and I even dated his brother when I was like 12. In high school we discovered there was something more than friendship there, so we started dating. We discovered we were better friends than a romantic couple. We went back to being best friends. We were best friends until the day he died. I believe we weren’t meant to be a romantic couple, but the best of friends. We were mature enough to see that, even though it didn’t work, we didn’t want to lose each other as a friend. So reconnecting with an old friend, exploring the possibility of maybe romance, I will go for it. If it doesn’t work, if that person can’t accept just friendship, if it doesn’t, well I feel, you really never were meant to be friends. So don’t wonder what if, take that chance on romance and see what does or doesn’t happen. Life is to short not to take a chance.

The things I wonder….

As I sit outside drinking my morning coffee, listening to the birds, feeling the cool breeze, so many things go through my mind. I wonder if this is how my life will be, me and my dogs, as my companions. I wonder how my life would have been different, if I would have made different choices. One thing I will NEVER regret is my children! I wonder how their father turned so angry, how he can just turn his back on his children and how his family can sit back and watch him do this to their family, my children, and say nothing to him! I am not perfect by any means, but I try to do the right thing, each and every day.

Another thing I wonder is, will I find a companion, someone to spend time with, be my plus one, when I need it. I like living alone, so I’m not looking for someone to move in or be with me all the time. I have plenty of friends and family, but it would be nice to have someone in my life. Someone to go to dinner, the movies, NYC, Atlantic City, cook a meal together once in awhile, take a walk, someone to ask how my day was or give me a hug when I’m having a bad day or week. You would think this would be easy to find, yet it’s not. I had a guy recently his kids were grown and on their own and he lives alone. He asked if I lived alone, so I said except in the summer, when my daughter is home from college. He then told me he likes me, but he will not waste any more of my time, as he’s looking for someone that lives alone. I can tell you, that statement spoke volumes to me. He obviously would not take his child in if they needed a place, doesn’t care for children, since he wasn’t willing to deal with the fact my daughter would be home summers and holidays and probably isn’t a good father. Am I assuming these things, yes! I could be totally wrong, but what does it matter if my children live with me or not! What if I did live alone and one of my children needed a place to live, would he stop seeing me? So he wasn’t for me and I’m glad he didn’t waste my time!

I then have the ones I just don’t feel a connection with and they will not listen and stop trying. They call, email, etc., no matter how many times, in a nice way I say I’m not interested.

So as I sit here I wonder, is there someone out there with the balance of what I am looking for? No I don’t need or have to have a man, but would like one sometimes.

I have my cousins wedding coming up next week, I didn’t get “and guest” so I’m going solo, which is fine, I love to dance and have a good time. Also, I have been told in a subtle way, there will be a single guy or two at the wedding.

So as I sit here enjoying the cool breeze, birds singing and my coffee, so many thoughts and questions going through my head and wonder if I will find the answers.

Utube online dating….

What would you do if it was your last day….

Did or do you have that one person, no matter what, they get your juices flowing, can turn your frown upside down and their smile, their voice, their laugh, a simple conversation, a text, etc., as you have such an amazing sexual, physical, friendship connection, that no matter what they do it turns you on. It’s something you can’t explain. I think this is rare and most people I have talked to, say there was or is one person that all around does it for them. Some aren’t with that person, never were with them and some married that person. Sometimes it’s not their looks, it’s the way they have about them, their personality, just something or everything about them that just turns you on, as you feel such a connection to them. They are the first person you think of when you have news, something great happens, something sad or upsetting happens, etc, as you just want to share with them, you know they will make a good thing even better and a sad thing hurt less. You know they understand, will be there, emotionally, even if they can’t physically. If you are lucky enough to find that person, hold on to them, even if it’s just a friend, as we all need someone we can count on.

Tonight I did one of those silly things on Facebook and it said that I need my children. That everything I do is to leave a good legacy for my children. They are the reason I never give up, even sometimes when it’s difficult. That I fight like a lioness, for my children’s happiness. This is so very true, but I also fight and never give up on those I love. I want the ones I love to also have happiness! Everyone deserves happiness! If you truly love someone you want them happy no matter what!

I had a professor who said “do everything as if it’s the last time you will do it” So when you are afraid to do something, not sure if you should do something, think what you would do if it was your last day on this earth. You will then have your answer to most questions, situations or dilemmas you face.

Breadcrumbs……

First if you don’t know what this means it means when we send flirtatious, yet non-committal messages or set very general plans, but never following through.

For these people dating may not be a priority, they don’t want to hurt your feelings, they want a quick ego boost, they are feeling guilty, they miss you, to keep in touch without seeing you, they are lonely, they don’t want to completely lose you, they are just looking for a booty call, they are scared to commit and some don’t even realize they are doing it.

When this happens it gives the person they are sending the breadcrumbs to, a false sense of hope. It makes them think maybe they are truly interested in some sort of relationship with them. I myself was guilty of this, as they filled a void for me, at the time. I realized this wasn’t fair to the person I was bread-crumbing, so now I cut them off and block them so I’m not tempted to breadcrumb them.

This leads me to the question, do we allow ourselves to be breadcrumbed, as we are hopeful they will realize what an amazing person we are and how there is no one out there like us, so we hold on. Is this healthy? Is this fantasy and not reality? Does it ruin how we see others we meet? It usually is that person we can’t seem to say good bye to, we can’t imagine them not being in our life, yet wonder if them being in our life is clouding and ruining our judgement and feelings of others. I have talked to several people and some cut the person out, admitted it was hard to do and they miss them, but as time went on missed them less and less and found someone to make them happy. They admitted they think about them and wonder what they didn’t have that the other person wanted, that they didn’t want them.

Life is not a dress rehearsal, but sometimes we act out the same scene over and over, as we hope to land the part, yet over and over we are told we aren’t right for the part. Do we give up, try a new scene, land a different part? Or do we hang in there and hope that some day we land our dream part?

Some follow their dreams and never give up, others give it a try and after a while go in a new direction.