Some things you just explain…

Sometimes you can’t explain your relationship/friendship or just what a person means to you. They are the first person you want to tell good news, bad news and everything in between. They are someone you have shared your deepest darkest secrets with, told them things you haven’t shared with another person. You have shared your hopes, fears, and everything in between. They are someone you could talk with, laugh with or just walk with for hours. They are someone you can have fights with, not talk to for a while, not see for awhile, but when you talk or see each other again, it’s as if no time had passed.

When you meet someone and for some reason you and that person just click, it’s like you have been friends forever, like you were meant to meet and become friends. From the moment you met them, you felt comfortable with them, trusted them to share any and all things and knew they would be a forever friend. You knew this would be someone that you could count on, would be there for you when you needed them and you for them. They say that everyone comes into your life for a reason and even though at the time when you met them, you didn’t know why you met them, but in time it will become clear to you, why you did. At times some people will not understand your friendship, but it’s something special between two people that can’t be explained. Some of it can’t be explained, because you can’t tell people the things you have shared, the things they have done for you and the bond the two of you share. Also you, yourself at times, can’t explain the bond between you and this person. I think a bond/connection with someone like this is something that isn’t something anyone can explain.

I have lost a couple of very dear friends and loved ones way to soon. I feel some of the people I have met through them, after they have passed and that some people were sent to me by friends and loved ones that have past on. I feel these people have not taken the place of the person that passed, but were sent to help fill the void of the person I lost and to watch over me.

So when you meet someone and can’t explain the immediate connection with them, don’t try, just look up and say thank you, as they were probably sent from someone in your life that you lost.


Love your children no matter what their life choice…

When my son told me that him and his girlfriend were expecting a child, he thought I would yell, scream and lecture him. I didn’t and would never do any of those things, as it wouldn’t change a thing and be pointless. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but something like ok I’m here for you guys and we will figure it all out and then hug my son and told him I loved him. He was blown away, he said it wasn’t the reaction he was expecting and that I’m the best mom in the world. I said no I’m just being your mom.

I lost my first child, my son was premature and we were told he probably wouldn’t live 24 hours. My daughter was born three years later, without any birth control and then I was told I couldn’t have any more children. When my daughter was almost three I needed a hysterectomy. I am thankful and blessed, I was able to have the two children I have, as many can’t have any children.

We raise our children to be good kids, we try and prepare them for the big scary world we live in today. All we can do is teach them right from wrong and our best to instill our values in them. There are times we need to let them make their own choices and even mistakes. As parents, I feel we have to let go here and there, yet guide them. We also need to be supportive, loving and encouraging parents. We may not like the choices our children make at times in their lives, but as long as they are happy, aren’t doing something illegal and/or harmful to themselves or others, we have to let them be their own person and find their way in this world. We may not understand it, we may not like it, we may disapprove, it may not be the choice(s) we would have made, but as their parents even though we may not like it, we have to except it. Some parents have told me no I don’t, well to them I say, are you willing to lose your child because you don’t like or approve of their life choices?

I may not have liked the timing of my son and his girlfriend having a child, but every child is a gift and blessing from God. How could I not be happy about a new life coming into this world and my first grandchild! My sons girlfriend is an amazing young woman! Shortly after he met her he told me she was the one for him. She had to earn my trust, acceptance and love, as any parent can tell you, no one is good enough for their child. She has shown me what a wonderful, sweet and amazing person she is and I know her and my son will make amazing parents. As a parent I will do whatever I can to help them and my granddaughter. I will continue to be a loving, supportive and encouraging parent and also grandparent.

We made the choice to bring our children into this world, they didn’t asked to be born and each and every one of them is a gift from God. So no matter if you approve or not, or what choices or path they take in life, remember support, encourage and love your children no matter what!

Change, never easy…..

I found for most people and even myself, at times that growth and change aren’t easy and can be sometimes be painful. Even thought you may not be able to see it, it’s not as painful as staying or being stuck in a situation you don’t want to or belong in. People are afraid of change and the truth. They are afraid of how people will react, also afraid sometimes to face or admit the truth to themselves.

As hard as change is, we constantly have change in our lives. Change happens from the time of birth and is a never ending series of changes. If there was never change, we would not grow from babies to toddler, from toddlers to young people and so on. Change sometimes is good, sometimes teaches us something, sometimes isn’t what we wanted or expected, but change will happen constantly through our lives.

When someone dies, leaves us or is no longer in our life, it’s a big change. We can take this change and accept it, learn from it and move on. This doesn’t mean we have to forget that person or like the change, but it has happened and there usually is nothing we can do to change what has happened. We need to remember that person, what they taught us, how they loved us and how our life would not have been the same without them. Remember the good thing in life with them. It maybe be hard to imagine life without them or maybe see life without them at the time. Whether they passed away or walked away, remember the good times and smile, as you may not have been the person you are today if they weren’t in your life.

So although most of the time change isn’t welcome, we didn’t want it, we were afraid of it or even if we wanted it, change is scary. Look at change as a lesson, you growing as a person and learning something new. Whether you are learning to live without someone or something, you might not be able to see it when the change happens, but you will grow and accept it over time.

A surprise…

Ever have someone surprise you? Give you something you weren’t expecting? Take you somewhere you weren’t expecting? It’s nice when someone comes along and surprises you. It makes you feel special. I always say it’s the little things in life that mean the most and it’s true. The most precious gifts come from the heart and usually cost little or no money. After a crazy day at work, to receive a sweet surprise, whether it’s a hug, foot massage, full massage, etc., it’s the thought behind the gesture that means more than anything. Sometimes we are so busy day in and day out, we truly do forget to stop and smell the roses. So try to take time out of your busy life and call that friend you haven’t talk to in awhile, surprise that someone special with a hug and massage, do something nice for a total stranger who looks like they are having a bad day or just smile at everyone you see and maybe you will get a smile back.

Kids come first!

Kids come first no matter what…I am in a situation where my x put his gf’s, now new wife and her son before his own children. If I was ever with someone who put me or my children before their own children or even family, I would walk away from them. Anyone that would ask you to put them before your kids and/or family, is someone who is selfish and me personally, I would never be with.

Some people will use their kids as a pawn or excuse. They claim they deserve to have a life, WRONG answer! Your children did not ask to be born, you choose to have children. I know some who believe once they turn 18, well they no longer need their parents around, as they feel they are adults, WRONG answer again! I have seen children whose parents, walked away, put others first, etc and some of those children have acted out, get into trouble, as they have to much freedom and time without a parent or parents around. Yes our children need freedom, but they also need guidance, a parent that not only tells them they love them, but shows them they do. When a daughter is no longer daddy’s little girl, a son dad’s pal and dad puts a woman first, the child no matter the age, will feel hurt and rejected. It’s the same when a son is no longer mommy’s boy, a daughter her best gal, because mom puts a man first, again the child, no matter the age, will feel hurt and rejected.

Do we deserve to be happy, yes, but not at the expense of our children. We need to schedule our lives around our children and not schedule our children around our lives.

I have been had men tell me I use my kids as an excuse not to see them, not true! Yes my daughter is away at college and my son lives with his girlfriend, so I don’t sit home waiting for them to make plans with me, but if they need me, I will be there for them. My children and I text each other good morning every day, call or text good night every night and talk at least once a day on the phone, even if it’s a quick minute conversation. No I’m not a helicopter mom! I treat my kids like the adults they are, but also let them know I love them and I’m here for them. People are shocked that my children actually want to hang out with me and spend time with me. Not only do my children, but also their friends do too. I don’t talk at my kids, I talk to them, I don’t tell them what to do, I tell them what I would do. If they ask me I give my opinion and sometimes when they don’t ask lol. Am I perfect? Not even close! But when you show your kids love, you get love! Never use them as a weapon or a excuse!

What would you do if it was your last day….

Did or do you have that one person, no matter what, they get your juices flowing, can turn your frown upside down and their smile, their voice, their laugh, a simple conversation, a text, etc., as you have such an amazing sexual, physical, friendship connection, that no matter what they do it turns you on. It’s something you can’t explain. I think this is rare and most people I have talked to, say there was or is one person that all around does it for them. Some aren’t with that person, never were with them and some married that person. Sometimes it’s not their looks, it’s the way they have about them, their personality, just something or everything about them that just turns you on, as you feel such a connection to them. They are the first person you think of when you have news, something great happens, something sad or upsetting happens, etc, as you just want to share with them, you know they will make a good thing even better and a sad thing hurt less. You know they understand, will be there, emotionally, even if they can’t physically. If you are lucky enough to find that person, hold on to them, even if it’s just a friend, as we all need someone we can count on.

Tonight I did one of those silly things on Facebook and it said that I need my children. That everything I do is to leave a good legacy for my children. They are the reason I never give up, even sometimes when it’s difficult. That I fight like a lioness, for my children’s happiness. This is so very true, but I also fight and never give up on those I love. I want the ones I love to also have happiness! Everyone deserves happiness! If you truly love someone you want them happy no matter what!

I had a professor who said “do everything as if it’s the last time you will do it” So when you are afraid to do something, not sure if you should do something, think what you would do if it was your last day on this earth. You will then have your answer to most questions, situations or dilemmas you face.

Special People

Today was one of the worse days of my life…to receive a call and someone telling you good bye and then watching and listening to paramedics, then nurses and doctors try to save someone you love…that day was the worse, hardest and shocking day of my life! I discovered who the people who loved and cared for me were that day and over time….without them I could have never got through it…they text, called and checked on me to make sure I was doing ok! The two people that were my rocks, were my kids! They hugged me and said nothing, did sweet things for me, as did so many others. My kids have tried every year to make this day a happy memory and today I sit on the train headed to meet my daughter for our first Knicks game….to all who were, are and will always be there for me….THANKS!!!