Starting your life as your children are theirs

You find yourself sitting home more and more, as your young adult children you have raised are now forming their own lives. You start to realize you are tired of sitting home and start going out with friends, more and more and maybe even start to date. Your children don’t seem to like this, as you have always been home, at their beck and call and now you are not. Your young adult children need to realize that as they get older and form their own lives, their parent(s) need to get on with their life and not sit around all alone, while they are out having fun. Soon they will be around less and less, that leaves the parent(s) sitting home all alone. Do they expect us to sit around taking in stray cats and/or dogs and to be all alone? They need to not be so selfish and realize their parent(s) gave so much of their time and themselves, while they were growing up and now it’s time for them to have a life and fun. This sometimes is hard for the young adult children, as they are used to the parent being there whenever and for whatever they needed. This is also hard on the parent, as they feel guilty when they are out and their child(ren) need them. It is especially difficult and frustrating when the child or children have another parent they can ask, but don’t or that parent chooses not to help out. Sometimes the other parent feels they aren’t going to help the primary parent out, but they aren’t helping the primary parent they are hurting the children, when they do this. This is why they become to rely solely on the primary parent and have given up on asking the other parent to do anything for them. To me this is sad, as I have said before, the children didn’t want or ask for the divorce and therefore, both parents should be as involved as they can, in the children’s lives. Our children grow up in the blink of an eye and we should cherish every moment of it. Our children also need to realize that their parents deserve to be happy too. I know it can’t be easy for the children to see their parent(s), with someone else. It may not be all that easy for the parent either to move on, but they know they deserve to be happy again and have a life of their own. I would not trade one minute with my children and do not regret for one second everything and anything I have done for them. My children will always come first, no matter how old they are! I would never be with someone who didn’t understand me putting my children first or that didn’t put their children first! So it may be hard for my children to accept me being with another person and forming my own life, but I think we have a pretty open and great relationship and we will work through it. There are times we have not agreed, but in the end we talk it out and sometimes agree to disagree! So children you need to realize your parent(s), deserve to move on and be happy, as much as you deserve to form your own life and be happy. Again, communication is key and I encourage both children and parents to always keep the lines of communication open and don’t make your children feel that they can’t come to you and talk about anything and everything. You will not always agree, but should be able to come to a compromise or agree to disagree. Everyone deserves happiness and a happy life. PLEASE FOLLOW ME IF YOU LIKE MY BLOG AND YOU WILL GET NOTIFIED WHEN THERE IS A NEW POST. THANKS!

Sick of hearing they know they have your love?

In some divorce cases, there seems to be one parent who gets more respect than the other parent. The primary parent in some cases, seems to be taken advantage, because they are the parent spending most of the time with the children. The parent that only sees their children one night during the week for dinner and every other weekend, seems to be the fun or hero parent. The primary parent seems to be the zero (or bad guy). The children seem to have no problem telling off or expecting anything and everything from the primary parent, but the part-time parent they say little or nothing too. Most therapist will say to the primary parent “they know they have your love, but not sure they have the other parents love” or “they get such little time with the other parent, they don’t want to ruin it by fighting with them” Also, the part-time parent doesn’t live with the children day in and day, therefore wants their time together to be fun. I am not saying the part time parents time should not be fun, but the primary parent shouldn’t always be the bad guy or the verbal punching bag, either. There comes a point where the primary parent has enough of being disrespected and taken advantage of. When the primary parent finally puts their foot down and will not take any more, does that mean the children should get mad and ignore them? I never liked the statement that they know they have your love, but not sure they have their love, so they are afraid of saying anything and losing the other parent. Yes I love my children with all my heart, but when day in and day out they take advantage of you, disrespect you and you are their verbal punching bag, even when they are angry at the other parent and they come at you, it isn’t fair! No children didn’t ask for the divorce, but when one parent can do so much more for their children and they don’t, it’s not just frustrating for the children, but also for the other parent. When the children are young adults, they should be able to speak to the other parent and tell them how they feel. If the part time parent is doing something to upset the young adult children, then they should be able to talk to the other parent and tell them how they feel, without fear. I know that isn’t always possible, but if the parent doesn’t like what the child or children have to say, then maybe it’s because the truth hurts and/or they know what they are doing is wrong. They should be able to talk and come to a compromise. The young adult children also, have to realize how much it hurts and is frustrating for the primary parent to see their children getting hurt over and over again, knowing there is nothing they can do about it. It also is extremely hurtful and frustrating for the primary parent to endure all the verbal abuse, that should be directed at the other parent. When you have a parent that refuses to communicate with the other parent, there really isn’t much that can be done. Therefore, it is extremely important for parents to communicate with each other, no matter what the ages of their children. So if you are the primary parent, enduring all the mood swings, frustration, verbal abuse and anything else, day in and day out, what are you to do? Especially if your children are sharing with you the things that the other parent is doing or saying that hurts them, so you in turn you share with the other parent, only to be told to mind your own business. How do you resolve a situation, when your young adult children will not share with the other parent out of fear, yet when you do, they don’t want to hear it! It is very frustrating for the parent, as well as the children. The primary parent may have to tell their young adult children, I don’t want to hear it, don’t tell me. This may seem harsh, but maybe it will force the children to then speak to the other parent. I don’t know what the answer is, but know it’s frustrating for both the parent and children and it shouldn’t be this way, as communication is key in every relationship!  PLEASE FOLLOW ME IF YOU LIKE MY BLOG AND YOU WILL GET NOTIFIED WHEN THERE IS A NEW POST. THANKS!

Option or priority?

I feel there are times I have allowed myself to be someone’s option. I now know I no longer want or deserve to be anyone’s option but their priority. For some just starting to date again, maybe someone who doesn’t have a lot of time to date, or not sure what they want, being someone’s option may work for them, as they also may be using the other person, as an option. As long as you are ok with being an option and so is the other person, then you need to do what works for you and your life. I have discovered, in this process, that if someone is truly interested in you, they will give you their time, not excuses. We all have busy schedules, between our kids, jobs, family and friends, but if you are that special to someone, they will find a way to make time for you, just as you will find a way to make time for them, if they are special to you. It may just be an hour talking on the phone, meeting for coffee or a quick I had to see you and give you a hug, sometime. If they always seem to make time for other people and things in their life, but always have an excuse or reason why they can’t talk to or see you, move on! They can tell you all they want, how much they want you, how amazing you are, how much they want to see you and how much they enjoy your company, the rare and few occasions they do see you, but their actions and inactions speak volumes! Maybe you are the person they text when they are bored, the person they see when they have nothing else to do. You need to ask yourself are you this person, just filling a void in their life at that moment? If the answer is yes to any or all these, it doesn’t matter how much you have grown to care or even love this person, end it! You deserve better! Chances are you will never be a priority in their life and always an option! We all deserve someone who can’t wait to see us, talk to us and spend time with us. No matter what you are doing or where you are, it’s not about where you are or what you are doing but the company you are with. Some people who meet have very different social worlds, but if they truly care about each other, that will not matter. Some people who meet are on different financial levels, again if they truly care about each other this should not matter. I feel no one is better than another person and if two people truly care about each other, they learn to fit into one another’s world. A relationship is about compromise and being happy, so if you are in one that makes you more unhappy than happy, end it! I am not talking about just ending a relationship, because you have a few problems, but if you start to become an option and not their priority and you can’t work out your differences, you both aren’t doing the other any favors by staying in the relationship. The more you become an option to each other and not a priority, the longer you are dragging out something and hurting the other person. No one wants to end a relationship, as it’s sad and hurts, when something is over. However, staying because it’s easier to stay then end it, is not fair to either party. So realize, whether it’s in the begin of a relationship or several years in, if you are or have become an option, stand up and say I’m done, we both deserve better and to be happy! PLEASE FOLLOW ME IF YOU LIKE MY BLOG AND YOU WILL GET NOTIFIED WHEN THERE IS A NEW POST. THANKS!

What if marriage licenses expired?

What if marriage licenses expired? What if you and your future spouse had to take a class and test before you could get a marriage licenses? You would have to take a class and test about finances, kids, careers, family, etc. Do you think this would help couples to talk to each other, about issues they may have not thought about, or were afraid to talked about, before marriage? I think some people are afraid to discuss certain issues before marriage, as to not hurt the others feelings. If you had to take a class, a test and there was a waiting period, it may help some couples to realize they don’t agree on some major topics. It would be at that point they would either compromise or end the relationship. It’s better to find out before you marry someone, then after. If there had to be a written marriage agreement between both parties, before you were married, it would make things easier, as it would have everything in black on white, how things would be handled, if the marriage license wasn’t renewed. Also, any changes to the couple’s finances, major purchases or investments, the written marriage agreement, would need to be amended. There would be no question how things would be split. If there were any children, there would automatically be joint custody, unless one of the parties didn’t want joint custody. There would be no need for a messy divorce. If there was a chance your partner could opt not to renew a marriage license, people may work harder at their marriage. There could be an option of a five or ten-year renewal, or you could still opt to go with a traditional non-expiration marriage. I don’t think anyone enters into a marriage thinking it will end, but let’s face it, divorce is on the rise. People that may say they are opposed to a renewable marriage license, are probably the same people who are just existing in their own marriage or cheating. So many people are cheating or staying because it’s easier, yet maybe if your spouse knew you could walk away when your license was up for renewal, they would try harder. I know some people say this would make it to easy to walk away, but I disagree, I think it would make people try harder to stay together. I would love to hear feedback on this subject. Thank you. PLEASE FOLLOW ME IF YOU LIKE MY BLOG AND YOU WILL GET NOTIFIED WHEN THERE IS A NEW POST. THANKS!

For me or not?

We had met for meals, walks and had some make out sessions, when we would say good-bye. We were slowly getting to know each other. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. I am not one to just jump in bed with someone. I had been enjoying his company, as he made me laugh, smile and feel very special. After a couple of meetings, we spent a great afternoon together, took a long walk in the cold and his charm warmed my heart. After a long afternoon walk, we needed to get warm, so we decided to go get something to eat. We arrived at the restaurant, which was near his house. Everyone seemed to know him, as he does have a charming personality, about him. He insisted on sitting next to me, rather than across from me, when we were seated. When the waitress came over, we hadn’t even looked at the menu yet, as we were talking so much. We decided we should figure out what we wanted to order, before the waitress came back again. After we placed our order, he grabbed my hand, looked in my eyes and told me how beautiful I was, he had really been enjoying our conversations and time together. As he told me, his eyes seem to be smiling and his face lit up. He really was sweet, an old fashion gentleman and seem to adore me. Here he was, this guy who seemed to be so perfect, adored me and yet I wasn’t sure, if I felt the same way about him. How long should you continue to see someone, before you decide if they are or aren’t for you? Are you hoping for a spark, that may or may not come, because they have so many qualities you are looking for? It is funny how sometimes, the men that really seem to be so interested in us, we don’t always seem to be that interested in them. And then there are the ones we seem to be so interested in, yet they don’t seem to be interested in us. Do we settle for the guy, who seems to adore us and we like, yet aren’t crazy for? What do we do about the ones that we seem to be so interested in, yet don’t seem to be interested in us? We all deserve happiness. Yes I have said this over and over, but I believe it’s true. We would not be true to ourselves or the person we were with, by staying with someone we aren’t as crazy about them, as they are about us. I have met so many people who have told me that it’s just easy to stay, because it’s safe and they know they will not be rejected. I think this is so unfair, as you are not being fair to the person you are with or to yourself. I feel in time, it will become clear to them that you are not as interested, as you should be and one or both of you will be hurt. Yes it will hurt, no matter when you break it off, but the more time that goes by, the more it will hurt both parties. So why stay with someone who you truly are not happy with? Everyone deserves to be treasured and be with someone who treasures them. It has to be mutual, for it to work long-term or you are just filling a void and wasting each other’s time. PLEASE FOLLOW ME IF YOU LIKE MY BLOG AND YOU WILL GET NOTIFIED WHEN THERE IS A NEW POST. THANKS!

Everyone should do what makes them happy! 

Have you ever been judged for something you have said or done? Have you ever judged someone for something they said or did? I think we are all guilty of judging others at some point. I know I am! Through this whole process, I have learned that I have no right to tell another human being what does or doesn’t makes them happy, just like no one has the right to tell me, what does or doesn’t makes me happy. What I think is wrong, another may think is right. I have never been in their situation and they have never been in mine. I’m not saying that we are not entitled to our opinions, I’m just saying we don’t have a right to judge others. I feel in the age of social media, we are all giving people way too much information about our lives. I myself was guilty of this, at times. I wanted to vent, but I quickly realized, social media was not the way to do it. People judged me, formed wrong opinions and conclusion about me and some even walked away from me. When I was going through my divorce, it was uncharted territory and there were times I didn’t know how to handle it or didn’t handle it well. When you are facing something you have never faced before, you don’t know how to handle it and you may not handle it the right way at first. We are all human, we make mistakes and we learn from them. When I worked through everything, figured out the right and wrong paths for me, I then took the ones that were right for me. The only two people I had to apologize to for any and all the mistakes I made along the way, was my two children! Not that I don’t listen to, appreciate or consider others opinions, but in the end my children’s opinions, are the only two that are important to me. If my children are ok with what I am doing, then I’m good. I will listen to others opinions, take them under advisement, but in the end I have to do what truly makes me happy! Life is too short, live, love and do what makes you happy, not what makes others happy! PLEASE FOLLOW ME IF YOU LIKE MY BLOG AND YOU WILL GET NOTIFIED WHEN THERE IS A NEW POST. THANKS!