Why can some parents get along and others refuse? Continued…..

Continued…..The first time my children heard of a new girlfriend for their father, was when their grandmother passed away. My ex told our daughter that she would be attending the funeral and if she didn’t like it, that was to bad. My daughter was distraught over this. My mother was here visiting, from Florida and overheard the conversation her granddaughter had with her father. She told her granddaughter she would call the funeral home and arrange to pay for a separate service for her and her brother. The next day the ex called and advised our daughter that the new girlfriend would not be attending, since our daughter didn’t want her there. I had so much respect for this woman, I have never met. That respect, for this woman, began to be questioned, and in time I would lose all respect for her. My ex pressured both our children to meet girlfriend, on his one and only day he requested to see our children, Wednesdays from 4pm-8pm. He advised our children that if that wanted to see him on that day, he would also have to meet and see his girlfriend. My son went, when his work schedule allowed. My daughter refused, as she wasn’t ready to meet her father’s girlfriend yet and she told her father so. Her brother then told his sister, not only was the girlfriend there on their day, but her son was also. Week after week of the ex pulling up with the girlfriend in the passenger seat, her son in the back seat and our daughter watching out the window, with tears in her eyes, as her brother would get in the car and pull away, was heartbreaking for me. I couldn’t believe that this woman would come with my ex week after week and not question why his daughter wasn’t joining them. I can’t believe this woman, who now my ex was living with, wasn’t questioning why his daughter wouldn’t see him. I thought if this was me, I would be asking over and over again. I would be encouraging him to call her, text her and try to spend time with her. I don’t know what my ex was telling her, but I can’t image myself being with a man that didn’t have a relationship with his daughter and/or children.
I tried and emailed the ex to explain that our daughter wanted to spend his court scheduled visitation, with just him and not his girlfriend or her son. The reply I would get back would be that I had no right to tell him how to parent. I tried explaining that I wasn’t telling him how to parent, but sharing how our daughter felt, but he didn’t see it that way.
He finally, months later, agreed to attend a therapy session, with our children and their therapist. During the session our daughter explained to him that she wanted to first rebuild their relationship and second wanted to spend alone time with her father. He kept saying over and over “If you see me you see (he would say the girlfriend’s name)”. Our daughter asked him why he would not spend time with her without his girlfriend and he just sat there stone faced and emotionless, as our daughter cried. The therapist finally said to him “your daughter is asking you a question, can you please answer her and explain to her why you will not see her without your girlfriend” He finally answered and said with his arms folded on top of his belly “I will not exclude the most important person in my life” My daughter shrieked “WHAT?” My heart broke in a million pieces. The therapist said to him “Your children are the most important thing in your life” and his reply was “I answered you I will not exclude my girlfriend, as she is the most important person in my life” My daughter was crying so uncontrollably and my heart was breaking piece by piece for her. As I am sitting there, listening to this coming from her father’s mouth, listening to her crying, where she couldn’t almost breathe, I felt completely helpless. I couldn’t believe that their father was sitting there and telling his children, they were not the most important thing in his life!
Our son would continue to see his father, with his girlfriend and her son. This would cause problems between my son and daughter, as my daughter felt betrayed by her brother, when he would go with them. I continued to try to reach out to my ex and explain how she felt and the problems it was causing between our children, but I would receive the same reply, I had no right to tell him how to parent. What he didn’t and still doesn’t get, is that I was trying to explain what I was hearing and dealing with. I was trying to ask him to co-parent with me. I was trying to help him, with information, so maybe he could resolve the problem. I have learned he has anger, lots of it towards me and I don’t know why.
The problems only became worse, as Father’s Day, my son’s graduation and many other life events for our children happened.
I will continue this story, even get into the then girlfriend, now wife’s take on all this. It blows my mind, how a mother could think the way she does and how she could be with a man, that treats his children the way he does. The only explanation, that makes sense is that he is treating her son, way better than his children. That she is afraid if he actually has a relationship with his children, her son wouldn’t be benefiting from all the vacations, presents, etc., that he does now. As my children haven’t received anything, but a very small gift card at Christmas, from their father, in the last five years. Her and her son on the other hand, have been on four vacations within the last year, one week in Universal, a week in Las Vegas, a cruise and a week in Disney World, with my ex.
I now have lost all respect for her, not just as a mom, but as a person. I have also lost all respect for his family, as they are aware of what he has and what he continues to do to their, niece/nephew/cousin and say nothing to him about it. They even have gone so far as to tell me, that they think he is the most wonderful brother/uncle there is.
To be continued……