Yes it’s a scary world out there dating and trying to find that special someone isn’t easy….

I have been asked many times, if I reveal to someone that is interested in dating me, that I have a blog. I don’t reveal that right away, as it does contain some very personal information, but in time I would. I will say this, if I was to get involved and become committed to someone, if they asked me to no longer post, then I would stop posting. I have been asked, if I would date someone that had a blog, as I could potentially become a blog post and be trashed, if it didn’t work out. My answer will always be yes, I would. I have also been asked, if I thought potential mates, would see it as man trashing and view me as a man hater. I started this blog, as a form of therapy for myself, to express what I have gone and I am going through. Some like it, some hate it, some can relate and some think it shows how I have grown as a person, in my journey. I feel I have grown a lot, since I have started this journey, spiritually, emotionally, physically and sexually. I have made mistakes along the way and haven’t always made the best choices, but no one is perfect!

Sadly today’s reality is, it takes five minutes to create a blog, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any kind of social media, so even if someone didn’t have any and all these, it would only take them minutes to create. In today’s world of social media, anyone can write anything, about anyone and trash them, a business, etc., in minutes. Also, there is the good old fashion trash talking. So I can’t worry about what someone will or will not do, if things don’t work out. If you think to much of all the things someone could or would do, you will drive yourself crazy. Plus you are entering into something, expecting it to fail, so most likely it will, with that way of thinking. Yes, I have talked about men I have met, on this blog, but I do not give their names, where they lived or any other information, that would give away their identity. I don’t write it to trash them, I write it to share an experience and what I have learned from it. I have been approached, emailed and text about the identity of who one or more of these men are. I did not, would not and will never, answer them or reveal who they are. It is not about them, it’s about me and what I have learned or taken away from the experience.

I, myself, have been the victim of trash talking, by my ex, to the women he has dated, his family and current wife. I have had co-workers, who I didn’t care to share my private life with, so they made their own assumptions, about me and my private life. I have had family, because I no longer care to share, as I was judged when I did. Sadly, also by people I thought were my friends. I use to worry about what people thought about me, but have discovered, in this journey, people will talk about you, no matter what you do or say. Some, feel I am private, because I have something to hide. I have learned, life is to short to have what if’s, people will talk about you, make assumptions about you and judge you, no matter what you do. So my answer will always be ABSOLUTELY, I would date someone that had a blog, if that person made me happy. I would, however, tell them, the minute my children’s or my identity was hinted to, revealed or either my children, family, friends or myself were trashed, we would be done, of course! Also, if we were to break up, they wanted to trash me, as I said, they could trash me through any form of social media or by good old fashion trash talk. So, if they were to trash me, if things went bad, well let them, as I would know the truth and could careless, what they had to say. Have I told stories, about guys that it didn’t work out, absolutely. I give them nicknames, again, nothing that would even come close to hinting their name, who they are or where they are from.

In today’s world of internet, people snapping pictures and posting from their phone, etc., unfortunately, privacy almost doesn’t exist! So you could be anywhere in public or a private event and someone finds something funny about you and/or the person you are with, they snap a picture, without you even knowing, post it on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, any and all social media they have. You have not a clue, yet you are out there floating around on the World Wide Web. Someone, maybe even the person(s), you are in the picture with, can take a picture of you, that was taken, with your permission and photo shop it, make it look different. They could add things, take away things, give that photo a whole different story.

When something ends, I look back at the happy times and I am thankful for them. I take the bad times and learn from them. I feel you can’t fix unhappy, so if someone doesn’t want to be with you, move on and find someone that you make happy and they make you happy. We all deserve happiness!

Yes it’s a scary world out there dating and trying to find that special someone isn’t easy. I feel when the right person comes along, it feels right, you believe and trust them, until they give you a reason not too. So take that chance on happiness, even if it’s scary, enjoy every day and if it doesn’t last forever, walk away, have no regrets and try again with someone else. You never know when your next first date, kiss, maybe your last first date and kiss.

NO TOMORROW IS GUARANTEED!!

“Change is never welcome…Often necessary…and Always inevitable” unknown

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Father’s Day

First I want to wish all the dads out there a Happy Fathers Day! That includes all the moms that do the job of both dad and mom, the step dads, or anyone that stepped up to take on the role of dad.

To that special guy out there, hope you have a great Father’s Day! 😉

As I sat outside this morning drinking my coffee, in my backyard with my dogs, a sense of pride came over me. My son is celebrating his first Father’s Day, I know I raised and instilled in him, with all the tools, to not only be a great man, but great father.

A sense of sadness also came over me, as my own children’s father, has chosen to walk away from them. My step father passed 20 years ago and my father isn’t in my life. So for me Father’s Day is sad.

When the ex and I first separated, it was hard, yet a happy day. Hard because I was alone, yet happy, as my children would spend the day with their father. I couldn’t wait for them to come home and tell me all about their day. That turned, each year, into less and less time, to spending no time at all with them. I would try and pack our day with fun plans, after that. I know it didn’t help them forget, they weren’t with their father, but had hoped, for small moments of time, they would. This year my son is celebrating with his new little one, so I will try and make it, as special as possible, for my daughter.

My daughter and son are lucky to have so many people in their lives, but I know they have a small hole in their hearts, where their father should be. I had hoped that my daughter’s Godparents, would have stepped up and took a more active role in her life, but sadly have not. Her Godmother, supposedly, attend her high school graduation, but didn’t stick around for pictures, congratulations or to let her know she was there. She also, brought one of the people, my daughter did not want at the graduation, someone who my daughter has made it clear, she doesn’t want in her life. She also didn’t attend her graduation party. So it makes me question, why a person, who is suppose to be a role model for a child, has vowed before God to step in, if a parent isn’t there, has shown so many others forgiveness, hospitality, etc., why would you hurt and let a child down, over and over again!

I asked a father, who is divorced, how do you and your ex do it, spend holidays together, celebrate birthdays and milestones of your children, etc. together? His answer was, we put our pride and egos aside, we aren’t selfish, for the sake of our children. I then had my answer why my ex and his family have disconnected from my children, they can’t put their pride and egos aside for the sake of my children. So like I have said many times, you can sit in church every Sunday, but it doesn’t make you a good Christian!

So for all you parents, family and friends, out there, doing the right thing, putting your pride, egos, everything and anything else aside, for the sake of the children, I applaud you!!!!

Do you ever wonder?

Do you ever feel lost? Do you feel like you really don’t know what you want? Or you mostly know what you want, but can’t find it and feel you never well? Do you feel you could try, as hard as you want, but you will never get, not only what you want, but what you deserve? Do you wonder how other people get what they want, yet don’t appreciate what they have? Do you ever feel the good person you are, always finishes last and the mean person, always gets what they want? Do you ever feel you are taken advantage of, because of your sweet nature? Do you ever feel, people have blinders on, when it comes to some others true colors? They say good guys (and girls) finish last, I’m starting to believe that is true.

We all deserve someone….

We all deserve someone that tells us we are beautiful not hot. We all deserve someone that wants to lay on the beach, under the stars, listening to the waves and the beat of each other’s hearts. We all deserve someone that doesn’t care what we do, as long, as we are doing it together. We all deserve someone that appreciates the time we are together, as it’s the quality, not the quantity, of time we are together. We all deserve someone that when we wake, in the middle of the night, we discover they were watching us sleep. We all deserve someone that we can fall asleep with our head on their chest, listening to their heartbeat, as we stroke their chest. We all deserve someone who checks on us , with a sweet text, a cute message or just to tell us, we make them smile, when they think of us. We all deserve someone who is proud to tell their friends and family, that you are their someone special. We all deserve someone who thinks we are just as beautiful in sweats without make up, as we are in a dress and heels. We all deserve someone, that wants to stay in and cuddle on the couch, but also wants to take us out, for a night on the town. We all deserve someone, who turns us on, just from the thought of them. We all deserve someone we can tell everything and anything. We all deserve someone who will always be there for us, even when we agree to disagree. We all deserve someone who seems to know us better than we know ourselves, at times. We all deserve someone that makes us laugh, when we feel like crying. We all deserve someone, when we don’t need any words spoken, but just to hold us, until we fall asleep. We all deserve someone that truly makes us happy.

Respect privacy, not disrespect….

I have met some people who don’t do the social media thing, don’t like to give details, etc. I find these are the same people that want to know every detail about everyone else’s life. These are the same people also, that go days without contact and when asked how their week was, what they were up to, you get a very vague answer. I respect that some people are private. I have however, found that some who claim they are private, really have something to hide. The biggest part they want to keep private, you. They seem to want to know every detail of your day and night. At first you think this is sweet, as you think they are trying to get to know you. After a while, you realize they want to know, so they know where you are, at all times and to ensure you two don’t cross paths. When you google them, you come across pictures of them with the wife, kids, their significant other or several different woman. I myself am an open book, when I meet someone. I tell them what I want, what I expect from a person and what I’m looking for. I may not come right out and rattle it all off, but I will work it into the conversation. I have said this before, everyone has a past, no one is perfect and this journey is a learning experience. Every person is different and wants different things, so what one thinks is wrong, another thinks is perfect. I have discovered I like to tell all about me and what I’m about. I, of course, don’t do this all at once, as I don’t want scare someone and send them running. I feel if you are with someone else, living under the same roof as your ex or whatever the circumstances, be up front and let the person you are with decide if they want to continue. I have discovered, I don’t want or deserve to be anyone’s dirty little secret. I have discovered, I want a guy I’m with, in time, who can’t wait to introduce me to friends, then family and lastly his children. If he can’t say to them, this is the special person in my life, then he’s not the person for me.

Cheating is only a click away…

In today’s world of social media, internet, texting and modern technology, it has made it easier than ever to cheat, lie or find sex. This isn’t contained just to single, married or men in a relationship, women are also clicking to cheat, lie and find sex. In today’s digital age, a romp is just a few keystrokes away.

Whether you just meet someone, are in a relationship or married, in today’s digital age, is that person really where they are telling or texting you they are. Is that person on the other end really getting off, thinking about you? Are they out with friends, with their family, at work, etc.? We don’t really know if they are, we have to trust that what they are telling us, is the truth. With so much technology, it makes me ask, how do you get to know someone, you just meet and how do you trust what they are telling you is the truth. So to answer that, the same technology that I believe is ruining relationships, we need to use to google people we meet. Some have taken offense to this, others welcome it. I feel the ones that take offense to you google them, may have something to hide, something they are not proud of and/or something they don’t want you to know. In talking to friends that are out in the dating world, both men and women, it seems women are more curious than men, about the new person they have met. I have also had both female and male friends, find out their significant other was cheating. I myself, have met men that have made it very clear to me, they only want me to see them. This has come from the same men, that I have found out, are married, living with someone, in a long term relationship, still on the dating sites, meeting women, have others they are seeing, etc. When confronted, they get defensive, say they never said we were exclusive, never said they weren’t seeing anyone else, etc. It seems, there is one set of rules for them and another for you. Don’t get me wrong, there are women, that do the same thing to men.

Although technology has many positives, it also has its negatives and makes it so difficult, to meet someone, in today’s world.

I would love to hear feedback, experiences, thoughts, etc. on this….Thank you.

Friends or more, I say explore…

You always hear people say I married my best friend. They don’t usually mean that they were friends and then started dating, they mean in the dating process they became best friends. Some do mean they married their best friend, as they were friends, became good friends or lost touch reconnected and in the friendship process, somewhere along the way, their friendship developed into more than a friendship but a romantic relationship. What if that romantic relationship doesn’t work, will you lose your best friend, you may wonder. Some feel it’s worth finding out and some feel why chance destroying a great friendship. I feel if it’s meant to be it will be. I had a childhood friend, we told each other every thing and I even dated his brother when I was like 12. In high school we discovered there was something more than friendship there, so we started dating. We discovered we were better friends than a romantic couple. We went back to being best friends. We were best friends until the day he died. I believe we weren’t meant to be a romantic couple, but the best of friends. We were mature enough to see that, even though it didn’t work, we didn’t want to lose each other as a friend. So reconnecting with an old friend, exploring the possibility of maybe romance, I will go for it. If it doesn’t work, if that person can’t accept just friendship, if it doesn’t, well I feel, you really never were meant to be friends. So don’t wonder what if, take that chance on romance and see what does or doesn’t happen. Life is to short not to take a chance.