Why is it that you hear over and over again from friends, family or people in general, how truly unhappy they are in their current relationship. You are there to listen to them complain, cry on your shoulder for break up after break up, yet they continue to run back to that person, time after time. Meanwhile, they tell you how wonderful you are, great friend, always there for them and they can’t understand how come you haven’t been able to find someone, as anyone would be so lucky to have you. You begin to wonder, what am I doing wrong? The people they are with are either moody, bitchy, demanding, make them feel worthless, make them feel guilty, withhold sex or all these things. Makes you wonder if this is what people want and if you should become like them, then maybe you would become more desirable. They say they are unhappy and are constantly complaining, yet they keep going back for more. It makes you wonder if these people are afraid to leave the person and be alone. You wonder if they are afraid of never finding another person that wants to be with them. If they don’t see themselves as desirable, to others. Has that person become a habit to them? You also wonder if you are getting the whole truth, as you are only hearing their side and not the other person’s side. You wonder if they are telling you these things, so you will boost their ego and tell them how amazing they are and that the person they are with should count themselves lucky to have them. So I wonder do people like being unhappy? Do they like feeling worthless? Do they like the drama of fight after fight? Is this a turn on for them? Do they have that low a self-esteem? Or are they telling you fabricated fairy tales, so you will feel sorry for them? It is the same with the people who’s online dating profile says they can’t wait to meet that someone special and get off the site. Here you are going on date after date and even make a connections, but can’t get someone who wants to see you on a regular basis, or even a second date, as they are content with a phone or texting relationship. You meet, have a connection, great time, talk for hours on the phone, even go on several dates, yet they are still fishing for a better fish. It makes me think that honest and true people are hard to come by and are the minority these days. So are people afraid of telling the truth? Afraid of being hurt? Afraid of being alone? Or just all around afraid? I have said this before, I did this once and will never settle again. We all deserve to be happy and I would rather be alone and unhappy than with someone and be miserable. Staying with someone you are unhappy with is not just unfair to you, but unfair to the person you are with.
Sometimes at night I close my eyes and I can smell you
Sometimes as I lay there I can also taste you too
I can feel your soft fingers caressing my body and skin
I can remember how your lips tasted in each kiss
I can feel the place you took me to of bliss
I can feel the sheer place of beyond fulfillment of pleasure
It’s a place where time can’t be measured
It’s a place that’s beyond anything you can dream
It’s like a fire running through your bloodstream
It’s not the quantity but the quality of the extreme
It’s a blend of two bodies that create amazing steam
It’s a pleasure you can never get enough
As when they are near all it takes is a touch
The steam flies and it’s some amazing hot stuff
It’s hard to forget when you have a memory of an amazing night or nights with someone and you two really connected. You can’t seem to get them or that night(s) out of your head. You wish it was something that happened more, yet know it probably will not. You compare them to all others, which you know isn’t fair, but you can’t help it. When you have been taken to a place of sheer pleasure, something that was more amazing than you could ever have dreamed or imagined, it is difficult to be with another. With them, it is not just the sex, but the conversation, the way they look at you, smile at you, laugh with you and their affection towards you. It seems although you know it’s probably nothing more than a fantasy, you can’t seem to let it go. At night when you are laying there trying to sleep, you close your eyes and you can smell them. You can see their smile, their eyes, hear their laugh and feel their touch on your skin. When you meet someone new, there it is, it pops into your head. When you kiss someone else, for a moment you forget all about them and then at the end of the night, you have a slight feeling of disappointment, even though you had a good time, because you are thinking of them. You wish there was a switch to turn this memory off. I know I always say life is too short not to take a chance and do what makes you happy, but it also is too short to wait around for something that may never happen. I have grown so much in this process, that I know what I like, dislike, what I wish for and want in life. Sometimes I do feel that people and this person don’t understand and appreciate me completely. I also feel that maybe they don’t accept me for who I am. I want to be the woman a man wants, loves and needs, not a woman who needs a man. I struggle with this memory I have, of this amazing person and the great times we shared. I feel that deep down, when I meet the right person, they will make me pack that memory away and I will finally find true happiness and love again.
I also write poetry…..
If you open yourself up to love, you open yourself up to pain
Sometimes it’s worth it and sometimes it all goes down the drain
Sometimes you just have to take a chance and dance in the rain
Sometimes you have to break down your wall and break all the chains
As maybe this time it will be amazing and not lame
For once, just don’t think and live life in the fast lane
Maybe just maybe, this time you will find love again
We have all opened our hearts to love and been hurt. Some of us more than once, maybe many times. Some relationships, ended well, some we have walked away from learning something and some were fun while they lasted. Some relationships started out good, but turned bad over time, some we stayed in way longer than we should have and others were nothing short of misery. All these relationships, good or bad, we walked away learning something about ourselves, growing as a person and knowing what we do and don’t want in our next relationship. Whether we had good or bad relationships in the past, we need to just take a chance and try again. We need to try to remove any walls we may have put up from our past relationships, as not everyone is going to be like the people in our past relationships. We need to not think too much about our past, live in the moment and enjoy the present and not live in the past. Sometimes when we are looking for something to be wrong that isn’t there, what we have dies, instead of growing into something wonderful and beautiful. It’s not always easy to forget about the past, as some past relationships leave wounds. Those wounds, in turn leave us with scars. The scars people can’t see, are sometimes the hardest to cover up. We need to find a way to place the past behind and move forward. The next person you meet may be the right person, everything will connect and you will find love again. Life is too short to give up on love.
Sometimes you meet someone and connect, but the only drawback is the time they can give you is limited. They can sneak away for an early morning and a late night walk, a late dinner, a late night drink, a quick afternoon lunch, etc. You list their positives and negatives and discover their positives, outweigh their negatives. You have met some in the past, that could give you so much time and either you don’t connect with them, their negatives outweigh their positives, they don’t make the time for you or their actions don’t show they care. I always say it’s not about quantity, but quality. In the last couple of days, they made the time to enjoy a late night walk along the ocean, a late dinner and was in touch here and there throughout the day. This was all done while spending quality time with their children this weekend. First, by being in touch, it showed me I was on their mind. Second, by making some time for me, without taking away their quality time, with their children, it showed me their children come first. Where there is a will, there is a way and actions speak louder than words. Our time together was short, but in that time their actions showed me how much they truly care about me. When someone cares they will show it. I have found that an hour with the right person is way better than eight hours with the wrong person. Most of us have been through an unhappy marriage, whether it was the two of you stopped communicating, having sex, no longer affectionate, grew apart or just plain unhappy. Why would you ever want to be in another relationship again, where you were more unhappy than happy? So when you meet someone who you connect with, enjoy their company, laugh together, etc., don’t look at how much time they can give you, but the quality of time they give you! A person who doesn’t have a lot of time, but makes time for you, is better than someone who has the time and doesn’t make time for you. You might come after their children, family and sometimes their job, but as long as you are one of their priorities, you will always know it. You will not doubt their feelings or that they care about you.
On Mother’s Day we all count our blessings, our mothers or miss them, if they have passed. For those that are mothers, we either look at our little ones in amazement or reflect back on our children growing up and wonder where the time has gone. The grandmothers look at their precious grandchildren with joy. It is the day we honor all mothers, whether they were our mother by blood, adoption, took on the role of our mother or fathers that have taken on both the role of mother and father. On this Mother’s Day I looked back on all that my children have been through in their lives, from my son being born premature and beating the odds, my daughter overcoming anxiety, to the both of them dealing with the divorce of their parents and all the ups and downs that went along with it. I have admitted, I didn’t always handle things well at times, but have always apologized to them and have and will always, put my children first, during this whole process. We have always had an open line of communication, even if in the end we don’t agree, they know they can come to me, speak their minds and talk about anything and everything. I may have tried to hard, at times, to resolve an issue, but it’s only because, like most parents, I can’t stand to see my children get hurt or hurting. I would rather take the brunt of anger for trying to change a situation for them, so my children are no longer hurting. My children have been my rock, at times when I felt the whole world was against me. They have been their to wipe my tears, give me a hug, be by my side and tell me they are thankful for all that I do, as I have been for them also. We have had our ups and downs, like any parent child relationship. They are amazing kids, but still kids. They still leave the dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, don’t clean up after cooking or making a mess, etc. They also will drive me crazy, as with any teens/young adults, plans change all the time and they assume you will change with them. I will admit, I get frustrated at times, as when plans change for them, it means my plans change or are cancelled. I have cancelled dates, plans with friends, left as soon as I arrived somewhere or sat home waiting all night. It may sound like I am complaining and yes a small part of me is, but I would never trade this for anything. I love my kids with all my heart, they truly are a blessing! I want to thank my children for being my rock at times. This divorce has not been easy for me, but most importantly it has not been easy for them. We have all learned along the way, as none of us had ever gone through this before. Some people have told me I do too much for my children, but I would rather be accused of doing too much than too little. So this Mother’s Day I am thankful for my mother, two grandmothers and other women in my life, that taught me to be the strong woman I am today and for the two greatest blessing God has given me, my two children.
On this Mother’s Day I’m so blessed to have two of the most amazing kids!!! Stop back late tonight or tomorrow for a Mother’s Day post….hope all the Moms out there today have a truly amazing Mother’s Day!!!!
A evening mini vacation at the Holiday Inn…sometimes you just need to recharge your battery but can’t go away so a night at the local Holiday Inn may be just what you need to forget your troubles, recharge your battery and forget the world for a while. You check in and and go to your room. You take a shower, freshen up, get dressed and head to the bar. You sit down at the bar and pretend you are on a business trip. A guy at the bar sends you a drink, you go sit next to him and introduce yourself. You both decide to go into the restaurant and have dinner. You enjoy a great dinner with great conversation and lots of laughs. You slip your shoe off during dinner and gently massage his crotch with your foot. He places his hand on your knee, then gently slides it up your leg, under your dress, where he discovers you are pantie free. After dinner you two head back to your room. Even though you know each other, the people sitting at the bar thought you just met. The people at the bar watched the two of you go into the restaurant and then leave together towards the rooms. It added a thrill and excitement to the night. Once you get to the room he needs to shower, after his long day. You wait until the shower starts and he is in the shower. You then slip into the shower and join him. You wash each other, massaging each part of each other’s bodies. He then begins to wash your hair. It is so relaxing, his hands are so soft through your hair, you could fall asleep right there in the shower. When he’s done he begins to kiss your neck, and massage your breasts from behind. You turn and kiss him so passionately. He then whispers in your ear that he wants you and must have you. He makes sweet love to you right there in the shower. You guys leave the shower and make your way to the bed. He tells you to flip over on your stomach. He then starts massaging your feet and works his way up your body. Once he gets to your neck he then begins to gently kiss your neck. He flips you over and makes sweet love to you over and over again. You then fall asleep in each other’s arms. You wake up in the early morning hours to him kissing you. He again makes sweet love to you and then invites you to take a shower with him. After the shower you both don’t want to, but need to get dressed and ready for work. He thanks you for a night of wonderful passion. He kisses you and you both say goodbye, until the next time.